Sometimes spouses grow apart slowly and, sometimes, there is an explosive event, where one partner discovers that the other has been cheating. The following warning signs do not always indicate an impending divorce, but if the relationship just doesn’t feel right, one lawyer and one psychologist say to look for these signals.
Broken Marriage
In many marriages, one spouse (usually the husband) is oblivious to ongoing problems, even though small irritations and disagreements often build up to feelings of apathy and resentment.
According to lawyer Sam Margulies Ph.D, J.D. in his article “The Six Signals of Divorce” on psychologytoday.com, “Marriages don’t break; they erode over time. Each time a sarcastic remark goes without repair or apology some of the bond that holds a couple together washes away. Each time a spouse fails to identify an emotional need of the other and attend to it, a little more glue disappears.”
Here are some of Dr. Margulies' signs of a failing relationship.
Emotional Detachment
Communication is not always the problem; usually the problem is about ineffective conflict resolution. This leads to complete conflict avoidance (and ineffective problem-solving) because:
Physical Intimacy & Relationship Problems
If a couple no longer has sex, and there is no obvious reason (new baby, stress at work), it is a sign of emotional disengagement and, possibly, a sign that one partner is having an affair.
Men and women also often turn to their work or to their children to fill the void left by the dissolving marriage. Family life begins to revolve, exclusively, around the children. And, some partners become workaholics, working late to avoid spending time at home (which leads to a much greater probability of an affair).
Preparing for Divorce
In anticipation of single life, many people exhibit signs:
Signs of Cheating
Sometimes, marriages fall apart, suddenly, due to infidelity. In another article “10 Signs of a Cheating Spouse,” on her website, psychologist Dr. Reena Sommer offers some good tips. Her warning signals are often similar to or related to Dr. Margulies' slowly "eroding marriage", but her tips are more concrete. Watch for:
More Divorce Warning Signs
Other signs to look for, that were not mentioned in Dr. Sommers' article on cheaters:
Not all of these behaviors signal cheating or lead to divorce, but they are red flags that merit attention.
Husbands are often clueless about impending divorces and should ask themselves if they are in touch with their wives’ feelings. Wives should be aware, though not paranoid, of unusual changes in their man’s behavior. Hopefully, readers will catch small problems before they escalate to divorce and will find ways to work through any issues that arise.
Author Twinkle Brar
Broken Marriage
In many marriages, one spouse (usually the husband) is oblivious to ongoing problems, even though small irritations and disagreements often build up to feelings of apathy and resentment.
According to lawyer Sam Margulies Ph.D, J.D. in his article “The Six Signals of Divorce” on psychologytoday.com, “Marriages don’t break; they erode over time. Each time a sarcastic remark goes without repair or apology some of the bond that holds a couple together washes away. Each time a spouse fails to identify an emotional need of the other and attend to it, a little more glue disappears.”
Here are some of Dr. Margulies' signs of a failing relationship.
Emotional Detachment
Communication is not always the problem; usually the problem is about ineffective conflict resolution. This leads to complete conflict avoidance (and ineffective problem-solving) because:
- One person (or both) feels despair and has given up.
- One person (or both) regards every issue as a way to bully the other into submission.
- Over time, the couple become unwilling to discuss their feelings and emotional intimacy breaks down.
Physical Intimacy & Relationship Problems
If a couple no longer has sex, and there is no obvious reason (new baby, stress at work), it is a sign of emotional disengagement and, possibly, a sign that one partner is having an affair.
Men and women also often turn to their work or to their children to fill the void left by the dissolving marriage. Family life begins to revolve, exclusively, around the children. And, some partners become workaholics, working late to avoid spending time at home (which leads to a much greater probability of an affair).
Preparing for Divorce
In anticipation of single life, many people exhibit signs:
- They begin to diet and exercise, buy new wardrobes, and try new hairstyles in anticipation of entering the dating world again.
- Women take refresher courses or go to college to prepare themselves for new careers.
- Some people take up a new activity without the other spouse (tennis, golf, bridge) to create a new social support network, as singles.
Signs of Cheating
Sometimes, marriages fall apart, suddenly, due to infidelity. In another article “10 Signs of a Cheating Spouse,” on her website, psychologist Dr. Reena Sommer offers some good tips. Her warning signals are often similar to or related to Dr. Margulies' slowly "eroding marriage", but her tips are more concrete. Watch for:
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Playground Safety Tips
- A spouse who leaves the room for phone calls or closes the computer when someone comes near.
- A spouse who changes his/her work schedule (starting earlier, staying later).
- A partner who showers immediately after coming home.
- A spouse who will not share his/her day, and is evasive about why he/she is late.
- A sudden new interest in appearance and/or new use of perfume or aftershave.
- Any new uncharacteristic hobbies.
- Unusual hostility; a partner who is more argumentative – and there is no obvious cause.
More Divorce Warning Signs
Other signs to look for, that were not mentioned in Dr. Sommers' article on cheaters:
- Unusual credit card charges. (Run credit report on spouse to find secret cards.)
- Business trips that stretch into the weekends.
- Multiple phone hang-ups when caller hears wrong voice.
Not all of these behaviors signal cheating or lead to divorce, but they are red flags that merit attention.
Husbands are often clueless about impending divorces and should ask themselves if they are in touch with their wives’ feelings. Wives should be aware, though not paranoid, of unusual changes in their man’s behavior. Hopefully, readers will catch small problems before they escalate to divorce and will find ways to work through any issues that arise.
Author Twinkle Brar
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