Praise Before Problems
Start with each family member praising another for something done well or appreciated since the last meeting, focusing on effort not results. Although meetings address many discipline problems, even the most defiant children have good moments. Make a mental note when children exhibit socially acceptable behavior and allow them each a moment to shine during the family meeting. This fosters feelings of goodwill and cooperation by diminishing combativeness.
After expressing appreciation, discuss agenda items and last minute additions. Each person with an agenda item describes the problem. If another family member is involved, he or she is given an opportunity to voice a perspective. All family members offer solutions. The person who picked the topic selects the most practical, beneficial solution or solutions to put into practice.
Solutions Instead of Blame
Family meetings often run awry if the focus does not remain on solutions. The goal isn’t to assign blame, determine a punishment, or craft a logical consequence. For example, it doesn’t matter who started a fight between siblings that ended with hitting.
Help all involved concentrate on their personal responsibility for the outcome and develop problem solving and communication skills to achieve a better outcome in a similar situation. What could be said differently? How could a grievance be communicated respectfully? Would walking away prevent a fight?
Developing Leadership
Six year olds can effectively lead a family meeting after some experience. This is a vital opportunity to foster leadership skills. Allow the agenda to guide the meeting without excessive parental control. Try to be an equal participant. Don’t dictate solutions - you retain the right to veto suggestions not complying with family rules and values. Ask lots of questions and children will surprise you with creative, effective solutions.
Start with each family member praising another for something done well or appreciated since the last meeting, focusing on effort not results. Although meetings address many discipline problems, even the most defiant children have good moments. Make a mental note when children exhibit socially acceptable behavior and allow them each a moment to shine during the family meeting. This fosters feelings of goodwill and cooperation by diminishing combativeness.
After expressing appreciation, discuss agenda items and last minute additions. Each person with an agenda item describes the problem. If another family member is involved, he or she is given an opportunity to voice a perspective. All family members offer solutions. The person who picked the topic selects the most practical, beneficial solution or solutions to put into practice.
Solutions Instead of Blame
Family meetings often run awry if the focus does not remain on solutions. The goal isn’t to assign blame, determine a punishment, or craft a logical consequence. For example, it doesn’t matter who started a fight between siblings that ended with hitting.
Help all involved concentrate on their personal responsibility for the outcome and develop problem solving and communication skills to achieve a better outcome in a similar situation. What could be said differently? How could a grievance be communicated respectfully? Would walking away prevent a fight?
Developing Leadership
Six year olds can effectively lead a family meeting after some experience. This is a vital opportunity to foster leadership skills. Allow the agenda to guide the meeting without excessive parental control. Try to be an equal participant. Don’t dictate solutions - you retain the right to veto suggestions not complying with family rules and values. Ask lots of questions and children will surprise you with creative, effective solutions.
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